weddings and funerals

[quirkysmirky]

Hi. I was intrigued and I have checked out this site a few times and I like it. I thought possibly the people on this board could help me with some issues that I am struggling with, perhaps give me a few suggestions. I don't really put too much thought on theological beliefs, because I figure that no matter what I end up believing will not change what is actually true. I do however take issue with organized religion and the effects that it sometimes has on government and society. One thing that I have been pondering lately is my own wedding and funeral. I don't want to have them in a church or whatnot, but I also don't want to be a jerk and have some completely strange requests for my family to have to put up with. The wedding is not that big of a deal, because you can write your own vows and you can be married by someone other than a pastor or whatever (my step-aunt married my mom and step-dad, she is some type of priestess-type person of some new-age religion, they got married on the lake in their boat), but funerals are more difficult. I really can't think of any alternatives to traditional funerals that would be acceptable for both my family and I. I was wondering what types of wedding and funeral services you guys are planning for yourselves?

[Chad Thicksworth]

When I go, I've asked for a party. I probably won't get one, people aren't comfortable with the idea a life lived well being "good enough," it reminds them that theirs isn't worth much either. Funerals aren't for the dead, they are for the living, for the morbid, the scared, and the selfish. Many cultures have completely different funerary rights than we do here and they have done just fine. Might as well shift one last paradigm on my way out, eh? My dead body charred into a little bottle sitting on a table being ignored while friends and family mingle light-heartedly while a three piece band plays some fantastic 80s newwave hits. What's so bad about that?

[profdunebastard]

I think for my funeral, I'll probably just oblige and let my family do what they want to get over it, even if that means a religious service-I'll be dead so It won't bother me. I would hope my family would honor me by A-when the priest inevitably says silly things, tells him that I never bought that and to shut up, and B-play Aeris's theme from ff7. An awesome wake would be cool too. And I always wanted, if I were to be buried in a Catholic or so graveyard as I expect, to use all my life's earnings to commission a very big, very well made headstone/w statue of an uncomfortably suggestivly posed hot angel, to bring a little levity and sex appeal back to the graveyard. I'd love it if a family came to visit a relative and the parents had to cover the eyes of like their 12 year old son or something like that.

Basicly though, for a funeral, I'd let whoever survives me do what they need, and hope they think of me alittle-if not, oh well.

[Atsuko73]

Ian! I have also always wanted a huge/impressive statue for my grave, although I want a dragon, or possibly a frightening angel and a devil fighting, just for "gothic" sake. I have always loved a good "creepy" feeling. Or possibly a gargoyle. something creepy anyway. It's the reason I need to save up so much money while I'm alive. I think the reason I want one is that I used to always go to graveyards when I was a kid and look at the headstones and statues, and think about what mine would be. I always did like the big impressive ones best. Family tombs are cool too, if you put some carved art on the walls and such, perhaps if I really become rich I will do that. OH! and if I have just a regular old grave, I want to plant some sort of weird tree by it, and then I will pay a man to care for it and form it into a frightening sleepy hollow-esque shape.
Anywho, about funerals, I think that a healthy compromise is in order. I (and I think my family too...) wouldn't mind having people just remember me, and say some general things about life in general, blah blah, and then have a party. See, it can be like a wedding...serious....then party! I hope to die when I'm really old though, past the point when people are terribly broken up about death. perhaps 85, something fun like that. although, with the way science is, we may be living longer by then....

[ebonywnd]

I would like to be cremated, but not have anyone keep the ashes. That's just creepy and half of them probably wouldn't be mine anyway. I'd like it if they were just scatttered somewhere beautiful in nature. As for ceremony/ remembrance....I guess whatever they need to do to get over it. I would prefer they respected me enough to keep religion out of it...I suppose some god is ok for their sakes.

As for a wedding...if I ever marry, I would have a simple ceremony with someone (definitely non preacher-like) that witnessed our promises to each other (with all the correct papers, of course), and then the public part would be the reception.

*By the way Ian, I love your suggestive angel idea. Making parents cover their kids' eyes would be hilarious.*

[Seany-D]

First off, an imprtant point was made above ... funerals are indeed for the living, not the dead. The dead shall continue to remain that way ... dead.

My personal funeral view? I would hope that first off, my body should be burned into ashes (crackle! crackle! crackle!), as I don't want (a) people staring at my dead, made-up, glued-together body at a viewing, nor (b) to take up space in the ground that could be better used for other purposes. Graveyards are a waste of space. As for viewings, there is no need to confirm that I have indeed shuffled loose this mortal coil. In a blatant nod to the bleeding-heart side of my persona, I'd like my ashes to be scattered at a baseball diamond somewhere ... one of the few places where I always seem to find peace and happiness. As for the funeral arrangements, people should be happy ... death is tough, particularly on those whom are not dead yet, so I would hope that my friends (assuming that I have any by that point) would all get together and suck down a few beers in my memory, and perhaps reflect on the outrageous things I did in the name of life, such as dressing up as Moses and carrying commandments around MSU's campus, or playing whiffleball in the grocery store after closing. I find gravesites and monuments and such to be quite egotistical ... either people are trying to extend their "life" after death by leaving something permanent, or they are trying to delude themselves into thinking that they are bigger and more important than they really are. No such stuff for me. Burn me and toss me, and I shall not take up any valuable land on this Earth, although my remains may have made for some excellent fertilizer.

Wediings ... hmmm. The farther along I go in life, the more I believe that I am more suited for a legal wedding, but not a big ol' ceremony and stuff. *If* I get married. So, a Justice of the Peace, some sort of "I love you and I won't screw you over by running out with the whore on seventh avenue" vows, a ring, symbolizing the commitment that I shall make (as well as labelling me off limits to all other women), and hopefully a party. Call it a reception if you will, but it will be nothing like the one I attended last year for two friends of mine. It was a wee bit pretentious, which by now, you've probably figured out, I don't care for. But yeah, for the atheistic, I think weddings are about commitment to another person, as well as setting up legal channels for things like caring for offspring, visitation rights should I suddenly keel over and lodge myself in Shock Trauma, or the like.

Having said that, don't believe that I have utterly stripped the love and emotion out of such things. To believe that is to illustrate that you do not understand me as a man.

Sean "but really, just living right now is fine enough" Davis

[profdunebastard]

I agree cremation is more practical, and is actually what I will opt with. But just as some plan their ideal weddings, I plan my ideal funeral, and practicallity be damned for the moment. Like Renee I love the whole burtonesque, twisty tree, huge ass gothic statue/graveyard aesthetic, and would also love, ideally and selfishly, for a legacy of something of a joke.

But yeah, in all seriousness, I'm getting cremated for sure....in a really hot urn.

[the anti-myrmidon]

Quite honestly, when I die, I'd like to have my body mined of every useful piece for medical and/or research purposes, then they can throw the rest in a dumpster for all I care.

As for marriage, I am a fairly unsentimental person when it comes to ostentatious displays, so a Vegas drive-thru elopement with a justice of the peace suits me fine. For the reception....a simple, t-shirts and jeans party with family and friends. I don't like dressing up, and I'm not going to sit in a dress any longer than I have to (assuming I even wear one for the ceremony itself).

[Chad Thicksworth]

Oh yeah, don't forget to sign your organ donation portion of your driver's liscense!

Incidentily, for those of you who really don't care what happens to your body, you can make a few bucks and help medical science by selling your body and getting money now and they can play with your lifeless corpse later, everybody wins!

[Atsuko73]

While I agree that Graveyards can be considered a waste of space, I can't say I wouldn't miss them if they were gone. Graveyards are like the opposite of a lovely english garden for me, and I like both just fine. Have you ever just walked around a graveyard alone? It's awesome..... or maybe that's just me. I always found it to be peaceful, just the same as a garden. Urm...just as a note, my grandmother was buried in an expensive plot of land in this large, open, graveyard...and that place was icky, like a CVS. all clean and stuff. I am speaking of the old ones, with the trees and statues and stuff. I think it's the historical aspect of it that attracts me, too. Reading about a family with 5 generations buried that lived in the 1700s is interesting. I would want a statue just so I can leave something to become a part of that in a graveyard that would be new but would become old. That way someone can experience graveyards as I do.... As long as no one builds a neighborhood above it. Erm...sorry about rambling, I actually have stuff to say about this, but I was up all last night, so I's is getting pretty tired.
I forgot to touch on the weddings half, too. Mine's going to be outside, near a river going through a forest. At least I think it will be there so, I haven't put the money down yet but I do have it reserved as of right now. (the place is called weller's carriage house). I think Jeremy and I will just have a simple ceremony with some vows and that's about it. It shouldn't be more than 15 minutes, and I don't think it needs to be long to have meaning...I am making it all fancy dresses and food and crap, cause I am not paying for it, I may be able to look good, and i don't want to regret not having at least a bit of a to-do.
hm. I think I've gone off topic. this is why I never post. Goodnight peoples (unless I see another thread to post in )

PS I'm still a bit of a Lansing-virgin. Does anyone know of any really old graveyards open to the public I could go to?

[Chadtastic]

Anything with a low wall.

[FishBait]

a little late but i am also struggling with some ideas of what i'd want for a wedding or funeral, the problem being though my immediate family are all atheists the rest of the family on both my parents side are very religious, my uncle is even a pastor, i'd feel like i was shunning my uncle if he didn't do my wedding (and my uncle is pretty cool despite the fact that he's a pastor), i could probably convince him do make it kind of secular and not in a church, but then the bigger problem comes about, i'm not so much worried about my own funeral because that's for the living and whatever they decide though i probably would prefer to be cremated just to save space and such, but what would i do for my parents the atheists, the plans would probably be left to my brother and i who are both atheists, would a secular funeral be unfair to the religious members of my family who would also be mourning? my mother has already said that when she dies she wants to be cremated but that still leaves major issues