Murder is starting to appeal to me.

[ebonywnd]

I am usually not a violent person at all...I have never hit someone in real anger, but I'll be damned if I didn't have to actually restrain myself from doing physical violence to my roommate at least three time in the past 15 minutes.

As difficult as it was, I have come to the conclusion that some people are just not meant to interact. And by interact, I mean even see each other.

I can't believe it got to this point. She thinks I should bend over and take whatever she decides to throw at me, whereas I think she should die by agonizing, slow crucifixion. She thinks she is one step below the almighty anyway. Although, I have heard of something that also appeals to me. It's called impalement. She would be impaled by a sharp stake shoved up her ass and into her intestines. Such a long, slow death. Maybe it will even dislodge whatever it is that is already stuck up there.

There really was no point to this post, except to vent. I swear, if this were a cartoon, I'd have steam pouring out of my ears. And my roommate's face would turn demonic everytime she opened her mouth. Green, with horns, sharp teeth, and lots of disfiguring warts.

-Laura "if you'd've been there, if you'd've heard it, I'll bet ya you would have done the same" McIntosh

[the anti-myrmidon]

Classic impalement, as you describe, was pretty nasty. An expert at the technique would guide the pole in the anus and out the back of the neck, carefully avoiding any important organs (don't want them dying too fast from a punctured lung, after all). I had to read about it in excruciating detail for a class on the Balkan conflict. It also mentioned a new torture technique that was used in Bosnia during the 90's. Tie a wire to the back of a motorcycle. Tie the other end to the victim's testicles. Drive off.

Of course, that won't help you much because of its gender-specificity, so just stick with impalement. Or quartering.

[Seany-D]

Drawing and quartering is an all-too underappreciated method of torture. I especially like the dislocation of the major joints, followed by the disembowelment of the victim. Makes getting capped in the head seem humane.

Sean "I personally try to avoid death at all costs" Davis

[ebonywnd]

I wonder which would make her die from shock quicker- drawing and quartering, or impalement? Whichever one that is, I'll use the other. I don't know...am I missing any important exection techniques? I could try my hand at torture -ripping out the finger and toenails, followed by strategic placements of hot irons- but that just doesn't appeal to me at this juncture.

-Laura "now where did I put those hot irons......?" McIntosh

[Frogsy]

My sister's husband once told us about a (probably drug-induced) dream he had where he was in a room where the entire floor and all of the walls were covered in razorblades, razor side up. All he could do is lie there and bleed to death.

Does that sound appealing?

-Jessica "he's also an alcoholic and drug dealer, so we don't take him seriously" Leiby

[Rama]

God, you people are so violent.
You must have issues.

[Seany-D]

Rama said:

God, you people are so violent.
You must have issues.

Of course we do. Our lack of belief in God has left us with a fragile psyche and a wayward moral compass. Only a devout acceptance of Jesus Christ as our personal saviour will turn us from our evil ways. That, and Jujubees. Gotta have Jujubees.

Sean "I have never met a violent Jujubee" Davis

[UsherBen]

depending on the spacing and method of attachment, the razor blade room wouldn't work very well, (especially if the victim err... uh roommate has shoes on). too far apart and they can be avoided. too close together then there is no danger, provided the person moves slowly (think bed of nails). If these things aren't attached well, then they can be removed or knocked over, but hey, still worth trying out

modified to fix two typos

[ebonywnd]

As long as they were securely anchored, that could work very well. Except....if she didn't move around, it wouldn't be nearly as effective. As an idea, it is wonderful, yet in reality, I doubt it would work. Plus, all that effort you'd have to put in to create the room...

I'm thinking it's time to break out my hammer, so I can then proceed to break every little bone in her body.

-Laura "it's hard to fall asleep when people are having a study-party in your room. With the TV on." McIntosh

[profdunebastard]

Think pit in the pendulum-but with her on the rope slinging ever so slowly closer to the sides of the room and the floor-then eventually gaining speed till she is swung right into and across them, then dragged across the floor. The effort of the setup would be worth it. Also...ants. Never forget ants.


Oh yeah,and violence is never the answer. WWJD...for a Klondike bar?

" Do you know what 'nemesis' means? A righteous infliction of retribution manisfested by an appropriate agent. Personified in this case...by an 'orrible cunt...me"

[Atsuko73]

I always liked this one:
You tie the person to a tree. You then cut off their eyelids, do what you feel like to remove their entrails (keep one end connected), and tie one end of the entrails to another tree. find some honey or some other food-ish thing, put it on the entrails, and...bugs and animals or what not will try to eat it. they might die quickly, though, if you cut them up too much. you would have to be careful.

And I think impalement takes longer to kill people than does quartering. ;P

[Ravenlock]

For a variation on the razor-room, how about a room full of spikes rigged with a movie set earth quake machine? They may hold their balance for a few, but after five or ten minutes...

;D

~Roger

[ebonywnd]

....I love you guys. So inventive, so in tune with what I am feeling..... you all rock.

-Laura "talk of horrible torture gives me that warm, fuzzy feeling" McIntosh

[Seirscius]

Take a drill and put it into each of her nipples, all the way until the lungs (dont touch the lungs). Then tape her eyelids open and get a staplegun. Make a game out of trying to hit the "bullseye" with the staples (sidenote: nailguns also work, but not as many shots can be made before individual loses recognizable features (sidenote: railguns also work, but generally only one shot is allowed)). Now take a woodburning kit and etch your name into her stomach. You own her. Acquire a meat slicer and lay her fleshy areas into it. She should be dead sometime during this. If not, throw her into the fireplace.

Note: This is not actually directed at her roommate - this is just standard female torture.

[Ravenlock]

Seirscius said:

Note: This is not actually directed at her roommate - this is just standard female torture.

Ummm... I know this is punching bag... but jeez.

I didn't think there was a line in PB... until it was just blown away.

~Roger