Top ten....

[ebonywnd]

I thought these were just pretty darn funny.


Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian

10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.

9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.

8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.

7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and trees!

6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.

4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."


3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.

2 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.

[Aimepenser]

I think I may be a fundamentalist Christian so let's see how I do...

10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.

I don't think I deny the existance of other religions' gods, I just tend not to think of them as Gods because I prefer to define God in my common use as requiring supremacy. I do believe there exist inferior supernatural beings some of which are worshipped and that some probably worship non-existant gods (the latter seems likely as a matter of probability) When someone denies the existence of my God, I think my first reaction is sadness. When someone tries to convince people who currently believe in my God that he doesn't exist I may then become angry.

9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.

It is not the evolution from other life forms that I find troublesome. If evolution was a matter of the will of God, then I would have no problem with it. It is when evolution is used as a preface to say that humanity was not brought into being as a matter of will. If we are daughters and sons merely of chance + time then, to my mind, we are nothing special and have no right to think otherwise. To summarize: to be willed from dirt implies purpose and value, but there is no special implication in being randomized from dirt.

8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.

I tend to either puzzle or weep at polytheists.
I am actually coming to believe that a triune God is required by quantum mechanics. Since there are no hidden variables it seems to me that an all knowing God must be outside the universe (the Father), and if any influence is sought within it would have to be done through another entity. Perhaps this is why Christ is credited with creation while not having knowledge of future events. (I made this up myself and to be honest I just squeaked by in quantum mechanics so perhaps it's all just silliness, but yes I do believe in the Trinity)

7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and trees!

A. If God want's something it is not a good idea to get in His way. Examples of when people did, do make me flinch (because I realize that I do the same). Egypt did this and they were supposedly quite well warned. I would say God displayed extreme patience.
B. The supremacy of the nation of Israel at the time this genocide was ordered was a major portion of the revealed greatness of God (don't stand between God and His being glorified, see A.). Also, I may be wrong on this point, but it seems that these people were under judgement for their behavior and this was part of it. I don't believe that God currently orders genocide or asks men to carry out judgment for sin.
C. I cringe at the Islamic violence because although it may sometimes similarly be a means of God exercising judgment, I think with regard to the actor it is better compared to the Babylonian captivity than the Cannanite genocide. That is to say, I think the rod of God's wrath will be judged as well (e.g. Is. 10:5-) by virtue of his pride.

6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

No I don't laugh, and no I sometimes do have difficulty. I readily admit that doing this thing the way God did it makes it quite possibly the strangest religious belief in the world.

5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.

A. No, though I am interested in any loopholes and am somewhat annoyed at the fact that none of the scientific papers I've read (admittedly few) and which were written specifically about the dating of the solar system, universe, etc. mention the method of establishing the initial isotopic abundance used for the multiple radiological dating methods upon which they seem to depend. I find this especially puzzling since, working myself in the field of nuclear astrophysics, I happen to know that we do not currently completely understand the nucleosynthesis processes by which most nuclides are made. This still would seem to require some non-standard physics on God's part to make the earth on the order of ten thousand years old. Personally I tend to dodge the question by considering that I don't understand what God means in that part of Genesis.
B. I reject outright the characterization of the writings of Abraham, and I frankly don't trust that you yourself think that what you said is what Christians believe.


4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."

I believe it is the perogative of the Son of God who will go to live with the Father and who will not. I trust myself to make few pronouncements on the subject beyond that, but I would say that God has every right to reject those who reject His supremacy and thereby reject their purpose. I plan to continue to work out my salvation with fear and trembling, and find my belief in the concept of assured salvation somewhere between that of the Christian and the Muslim. I do believe in hell; Jesus talked about it a lot.

I think as far as accepting the behavior of it's adherents, Christianity is one of the most tolerant of world religions, and undoubtedly the love of God expressed in the Gospel of Christ is without parallel in other traditions. It may be tempting to say that the Baha'i faith is the most accepting, but it would seem that by rejecting all belief which claims exclusivity they reject large portions of religious people around the world. Honestly I know little about them though, and truly I don't consider tolerance, as defined today, to be among the great virtues.

3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.

While modern science may remove the necessity of faith in many areas of life, I am far from convinced that science is even equipped to disprove Christianity. I have never seen someone speak in tongues in person. I tend to believe the gift of tongues is mainly the divinely given ability to communicate with people of other languages for the purpose of spreading the gospel. My proof is that God has spoken truth over my life and that He has satisfied my soul. As a scientist and mathematician I know that this is far from proof (all the better for the glory of God), but as a man I must choose to believe or not to believe in many things which are not subject to proof. It just so happens that this is the most important such decision; so it is only natural that it creates the most debate between the two sides, neither of whom have any thing close to proof.

2 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

It is cliched, but I believe all prayers are answered, though many are answered with silence or an admonition to patience. The way to pray successfully is to pray for the will of God. I think Jesus gave great instruction on this subject (not that he needs my endorsement). As for specific prayers, I think if I can specifically pray for the will of God one time in ten-thousand then I'm doing great.

1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.

Luckily being a Christian is not about knowing church history, "Christianity," or even "the bible." (some in quotes because I think it's rather presumptuous to say that some one who knows the most about what Christianity and the bible actually are would be an athiest) I'm sure that there are many athiests and agnostics who know more about these things and concepts than I do, though I would guess that I know at least as much as the average one. And with a great deal more certainty I would guess that there are more Christians than A & A's above my knowledge level on these subjects. But there is a certain amount of bias built into that measurement. People who think Christianity and the bible are the source of ultimate truth are more likely to devote their lives to such study. Similar bias may be built into the group who do not believe in God; they invest their lives in what they consider to be the best source of ultimate truth (be it physics, biology, etc). I do call myself a Christian, and I can only hope that when I do so, I do it with appropriate humility. To claim to be a Christian is not to claim to have attained some high standard. It is more like a claim to be on a road to some destination, such claim naturally having nothing to do with where you are unless you consider where you have come from, and even then it is a rough business.

Thusian Zosan,
Matt Amthor